Spiritual Correction

I've been struggling spiritually lately. I've battled depression, unforgiveness, bitterness...

One night, my wonderful husband had had enough. He sat me down in front of him in the living room and said, "we're going to talk." I knew he was serious. There would be no acceptance of excuses like "I'm ok - I'm just tired" or "I'm just emotional right now". This would be a heart-to-heart down to the nitty gritty kind of talk. And I was right.

So, being the spiritual leader that he is, my husband told me that something needed to change. "What do you listen to on your way to work in the mornings? Do you still listen to those preaching podcasts I put on your iPod? How often do you pray?"

So, I told him. I listen to the Indy Oldies station in the mornings on my way to work. I don't listen to my preaching podcasts anymore. And I only pray for food and at church.

We had a long talk, I prayed the next morning and evening at church and I started reading my daily devotional for women.

And almost on cue, the Lord sent me a test on Monday. I was on the receiving end of a very nasty conversation. I was angry and hurt. And I kept telling other people about it, asking what I should do about the situation.

Today, after asking him again what I should do about that lady, my husband once again gently corrected me. "Heidi, you need to learn to let stuff go. You hold onto things too long. You need to pray and ask God to help you forgive so you don't get bitter."

I thought I had forgiven the people he brought to my attention. But it seems I bring them up frequently and when I am reminded about the situation(s), apparently I get animated and as my husband says, my "blood pressure hits the roof." So I have to ask myself: have I truly forgiven them?

I just read in my daily devotional about Sarah, Abraham's wife. There are questions the book asks you to consider about yourself as you reflect on the life and character of the woman being studied. As I read the questions, I took a startling look at my own character. I found quite a few flaws similar to Sarah.

While I was quick to label Sarah as selfish, harsh, childish, impatient, I began to see myself in her. Is that how I act when I don't get my way, when someone does something against me or a loved one?

My new prayer is that my heart can be pliable enough that when my husband or someone else in authority corrects me, I can be repentant and change my ways. I want to be a woman my husband is not proud of, per se, but can introduce me to friends and other ministers as his wife and not be ashamed. Lord, let me be a true woman of faith who reflects You and Your love in every aspect of my life.

*I hope for anyone reading this that it will help you in your spiritual walk with God. This is only a journey, with the final destination, Heaven. I am not perfect, but neither were any of the men or women God chose to use to fulfill His will. But His grace and mercy are there for us, if we only seek Him.