Patience, Frustration and Trust

Never pray for patience. The only way to have more patience is to earn patience. Earning patience means going through tests and trials that try your patience. I made that mistake once. I have since ceased praying for more patience. The Lord, however, must feel that I don't have enough.

Today has been an ongoing trial of my patience. I have bitten my tongue more times than I can count, I have closed my eyes and counted to 10 at least a dozen times and I have taken several walks. All because the people I encounter in the course of doing my job frustrate me beyond measure some days.

So why do I stay in my job? I can't seem to get another one! I've applied for 6 positions in the past 2 months with no call-backs. Most of them have been posted through the company's website and/or through Career Builder so I have no contact information by which to follow up on my application and resume.

I need experience beyond what my current position offers me. I need to be closer to home. (I drive 45 minutes one way every day.) I need a job with a schedule more conducive to ministry. So why am I still in my position?

The answer: I don't know. I asked my husband to pray for me one day last month because I was so frustrated with my job at that current moment that I was seriously considering just walking out. (He convinced me otherwise, of course. One reason being: we need a paycheck!) Later that day, I had an attitude check.

I was reading my daily B.R.E.A.D. (Bible Reading Enriches Any Day) and my co-worker asked me what I was reading about. I told her and a short Bible study immediately followed. I was ecstatic! I called my husband to give the good news and after rejoicing with me for a moment, he remarked, "Maybe that's why you're still there." Talk about feeling convicted! I stopped and asked God for forgiveness for my poor attitude earlier that day.

There are things that we go through and endure that we don't understand. But what we don't often see until later are the results. Maybe God's preparing us for something better. Maybe we're going through something so that God can use us to be a light to someone else. We never know. But what we have to do, as difficult as it may be, is trust Him.

"As for God, his way is perfect; the word of the LORD is tried: he is a buckler to all them that trust in him."
2 Samuel 22:31 (KJV)

"Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding."
Proverbs 3:5 (KJV)

I don't know why I'm still in this position. I don't know when God will feel it is time for me to move. But what I do know is that I'm going to trust him: his way is perfect.